Lately, I’ve been feeling down about life. I realize that everyone is growing up and moving on with their lives and I feel as though mine is at a standstill. You see, I used to have a career. I was a Leasing and Marketing Director for two apartment complexes for a few years and I even got the chance to fill in for our Regional Leasing Specialist, which meant that I was responsible for reporting for and giving encouragement/advice to 32 properties within our multi-state region. This is something I was proud of. This is what I thought my life would be like. However, I felt like something was missing. I honestly just felt stuck. I decided to apply for re-enrollment at UNCW and ease my way back into school. After one semester, I knew that I needed to go back to school full-time. I quit my job, had to move since they were paying for my apartment, and searched for roommates.
Over this past year, I have been trying to find out what my passion is again. I dabbled in a few jobs last semester and this summer. I worked at another apartment complex last spring… hated it! I worked at a non-profit after school program which was a rewarding experience, but I couldn’t find it in my schedule this year. I worked at a restaurant as a hostess, but they bounced some of my paychecks… horrible employer! Now, I’m working as a Leasing/Marketing Consultant at a different apartment complex, as a Sunday School/nursery attendant at a church, and get the occasional babysitting job. I really enjoy all of these jobs, at least while I’m in school. I also just became a Mary Kay Sales Consultant today! I never thought I would EVER sell makeup, but it’s worth a shot! The way I see it is I should try every single thing I can while I’m young because it’s harder to make a career change later in life.
What is getting me down is that I am not yet seeing an end to school. It’s not that I don’t enjoy school, I just feel like everyone around me is graduating, moving out of Wilmington, getting married, having children, etc. I definitely am not ready for most of those changes in my life, but I don’t even see these things happening in my 5 year plan! I feel somewhat stuck for now. I have goals, but I’m anxious about whether or not I can achieve these goals. My plan is to graduate within the next two years and hopefully go to law school. I would love to be on a legal team for an apartment management company. I really enjoy the legal side of the apartment industry and I think it would be a great suit for my personality! That’s it. That’s my entire plan, so let’s hope it works out.
In addition to my stresses about my future and my current work/school obligations, I realize my personal life is taking a hit. There are very few friends that I even speak to, much less get a chance to see! This is nothing new, however. I have always worked full time hours since I was 17 so I’m used to more work and less play. What is different is that now I’m realizing my friends are moving. One of my close friends just moved to Charlotte a few weeks ago and two of my closest friends are moving there when they graduate in December. I guess it looks like I’ll need to try and take a weekend off every now and then to go visit! Also, I went home to Jacksonville last weekend to celebrate my dad’s 50th birthday and realized for the first time that my parents are getting older. My mom just found out that she has cataracts and she is still in her 40s. Even though she’ll be able to get laser eye surgery, it still made me feel bad. I mean, I live an hour away and I rarely ever visit. I hope at some point in the near future, I’ll be able to not work 7 days a week and visit with my family more often. I have family that live in town and basically only see them on holidays and birthdays!
All of this just makes me think about how I’ll be working my entire life and I sometimes wish I didn’t work so hard already. I don’t see myself being able to not have a job until I’m well into my 70s. I think I was in such a rush to grow up and be independent that I forced myself into being a workaholic. I wish I could just take a day to sit on the beach, which I haven’t been able to do in years, not even during the summer!
I wasn’t sure what I wanted this blog to be about so I decided to just write everything that was causing me anxiety. After writing all my thoughts, I realize I’m due for a little rest and relaxation. I just made a decision; I’m going to SCarowinds with my friends next weekend, which I think is well deserved.
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It is a tough thing you are going through but not impossible. Watching friends transition when you are not at that point yet is difficult. Trust me, I know :) I dropped out of college in 2003 and joined the Army. I left all my friends behind, worked very hard and got to the see a world no many people witness. However, when I came back home for good, I found that all my friends had college degrees, a full time respectable career and either a long term girlfriend or wife. Even after all the unique things I had experienced, I still had a panic attack for a few months because I felt left behind. I felt like society and my friends were doing something one way and here I was a 27 year old going back to school. Over the past year and a half I have come to realize a few things though that make me feel better. 1) Im going to school, so therefore I have a plan, and a plan is a good thing. 2) Most of my friends are miserable in there careers as bankers, or managers etc. and envy that I have the ammount of freedom I do. and 3) screw "the joneses" do what you want to do, everyones path is different so dont measure yourself to others.
ReplyDeleteI hope that helps in someway and that you're feeling better about life :)
Stress and anxiety are basically my best friends nowadays. BUT I have learned that even when I don't think my life can get any more chaotic I say "screw it I am taking a day for myself." Not that I have time to do it, but if I don't I might fall off the deep end. Try to plan one day a month where you can have the whole day off to yourself, and maybe even go visit your friends in Charlotte or your family in Jacksonville. I know taking a day off seems impossible, and as lame as it sounds, it really changes your life. You get more than 5 minutes to breathe. You should really consider it!
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ReplyDeleteKatherine, you are not alone. I too have similar anxieties. I too work a lot, although my schedule has come down to days a week. I work every weekend. I used to work 40 hours week and it was exhausting with school. Even though I'm down at two days a week, it is mentally draining. Being that I am a nontraditional student, everyone around me is growing up and moving own with their lives.
ReplyDeleteSuch as life, we must adapt, adjust and move on. You can do it! Just look at your accomplishments. That alone will take you far. I have no doubt that you will make it.
We are a different kind of species. Stay positive and stay focused on your goals. When I used to think about people excelling at faster rate than me, I had to take a few steps back, it is not a game or race, we will all move at our own pace. Those things which we seek will come forth. Finally, I too need to take some time and just relax.
Good Luck! and enjoy Carowinds.
posted by Mark
Katherine,
ReplyDeleteYour post made me feel like I need to get my life together! I admire your drive and passion to try and figure out a plan. I have no idea where I am going to be in 5 years, much less when I graduate! You seem so driven! My favorite part of your post was the scarowinds part because I have been trying to convince my boyfriend to go there ALL WEEKEND! We are in charlotte. If you go, have fun!!!!!!!!
Katherine,
ReplyDeleteWhen I read your post it made me stop and think about my own life and how stressed out I get. I also have always put a lot of pressure on myself and I can see how you feel as if nothing really great is happening at the moment. Its like we work so hard but we can't see the Big reward for giving up so much of oursleves and our free time. Be proud that you have accomplished so much. I know so many people who are the same age and they havn't come close to accomplishing the things that you have. I am glad to see that you are taking some time to have some fun and are going to Carrowinds! I often have to take time away from my commitments to relex and re-group.